New relationships can start off as exciting and show promise for the future. However, as the relationship develops, behaviours which can be signs of control or abuse in the future may start to emerge.

As these behaviours begin very subtly they are not always easily recognisable as abuse. If you become aware of any of these repeated behaviours in your partner, it may be time to reconsider how healthy the relationship actually is.

                           Here’s a list of 50 red flags that might indicate issues in a relationship.

               Some are subtle and may develop over time, while others are more immediate concerns:

1. Constant Criticism – Regularly putting down your thoughts, appearance, or actions.
2. Lack of Trust – Constant suspicion or doubt about your honesty or intentions.
3. Gaslighting – Manipulating you into questioning your own reality or memories.
4. Excessive Jealousy – Being overly possessive or distrustful without reason.
5. Controlling Behaviour – Dictating what you wear, who you see, or how you act.
6. Isolation – Discouraging or preventing you from seeing friends or family.
7. Disrespect for Boundaries – Ignoring your limits, whether physical, emotional, or sexual.
8. Lack of Communication – Withholding feelings, avoiding important conversations, or giving the silent treatment.
9. Blaming You for Everything – Refusing to take responsibility and making everything your fault.
10. Frequent Lying – Being dishonest about small or big things. Not disclosing actions / activities.
11. Mood Swings – Extreme and unpredictable emotional changes that affect the relationship.
12. Lack of Effort – Only one person is putting in effort to maintain the relationship.
13. Disregard for Your Feelings – Not considering how their actions or words make you feel.
14. Excessive Dependence – Relying on you for all emotional, financial, or social needs.
15. Financial Manipulation – Controlling finances, restricting access to money, or being secretive about spending.
16. Frequent Arguments – Constantly fighting over small or significant issues without resolution.
17. Lack of Empathy – Inability to understand or care about your feelings.
18. Inconsistent Effort – Being loving and attentive one day and neglectful the next.
19. Flirting with Others – Disrespecting relationship boundaries by being overly flirty with others.
20. Disrespecting Your Time – Frequently cancelling plans, being late, or prioritizing other things over you.
21. Ignoring Your Needs – Dismissing or belittling your emotional, physical, or intellectual needs.
22. Addiction Issues – Substance abuse that negatively impacts the relationship.
23. History of Cheating – A pattern of infidelity or dishonesty about past relationships.
24. Belittling Your Accomplishments – Downplaying your successes or making you feel inadequate.
25. Physical Violence – Any form of physical harm or threat of violence.
26. Verbal Abuse – Name-calling, insults, or demeaning language used regularly.
27. Manipulation – Using guilt, threats, or emotional blackmail to control your behavior.
28. Emotional Unavailability – Not being open or responsive to your emotional needs or concerns.
29. Disinterest in Your Life – Not caring about your hobbies, friends, or work.
30. No Accountability – Refusing to apologize or acknowledge mistakes.
31. Ignoring Boundaries with Others – Not respecting your need for privacy or space.
32. Inappropriate Relationship with Exes – Constantly talking to or meeting up with ex-partners in secretive ways.
33. Being Secretive – Hiding phone messages, social media interactions, or whereabouts.
34. Sexual Pressure – Coercing or pressuring you into sex or sexual acts you're uncomfortable with.
35. Holding Grudges – Bringing up past mistakes to win arguments or make you feel guilty.
36. Lack of Support – Not being there for you during difficult times.
37. Unequal Effort – One partner consistently giving more in terms of love, effort, or compromise.
38. Making Fun of You – Using humour as a way to put you down or embarrass you, especially in public.
39. Using Ultimatums – Frequently issuing ultimatums to control your behaviour.
40. Ignoring Red Flags in Themselves – Refusing to acknowledge or work on their own toxic traits.
41. Love Bombing – Over-the-top affection early in the relationship followed by withdrawal.
42. Lack of Compromise – Refusing to meet you halfway in conflicts or decisions.
43. Fear of Expressing Yourself – Feeling like you can’t voice your opinions or concerns without backlash.
44. Treating You Differently in Public – Acting affectionate in private but distant or critical in public.
45. Frequent Comparisons – Comparing you negatively to others, including ex-partners or friends.
46. Dishonesty About the Future – Misleading or being vague about long-term plans or commitments.
47. Overreacting to Minor Issues – Blowing small disagreements out of proportion.
48. Emotionally Draining – Feeling exhausted or drained after interacting with them.
49. No Effort to Change – Refusing to work on problems or improve the relationship, even after discussions.
50. Ignoring Your Aspirations – Not caring about or discouraging your dreams, goals, or self-improvement.

If any of these red flags resonate in your relationship, it might be worth considering if the relationship is healthy or if steps need to be taken to address the issues.

Further subtle red flags to be aware of:

a)       They describe all their exes as ‘crazy’

b)      They put you down even in a teasing way

c)       They rush new relationships too quickly

d)      They are rude to people in the service industry

e)       They don’t truly listen to you

f)         They don’t make an effort to help you feel better when you are going through a difficult time.

g)       They rely solely on you for the mental health support, struggles or past trauma.

h)       They push your physical boundaries even in innocent ways

i)         Your friends and family don’t want to spend time with them

j)         They respond poorly when you spend time away from them.

If you identify with two or more of these controlling / abusive behaviours and want to get more clarity on your relationship within a confidential counselling space - please contact me - info@lifepathresources.co.uk